Dream Experience 534: To Thine Own Self Be True
Twenty-five years ago, I made a vow to myself that I would never again set foot in the state where I was born. I would still talk to members of my family, but did not want to be submerged into their confusion. Five years ago, my brother was in financial trouble and I helped him out. My reward was that despite attempts to contact him, he stopped communicating with me shortly after he got what he wanted from me. We were close when we were young, so it hurt.
Two months ago he finally contacted me because he needed some advice about how he should proceed with some medical problems. I stayed in touch for about six weeks, giving advice on what I knew about what he was going through. He made it through the procedures without difficulty. I resolved throughout, that I would tell him what I knew, nothing more and nothing less. So, nowadays, if he asks me how I am doing, I give one word responses like “okay.” You are not allowed into my world anymore beyond the minimal.
About two years ago, I violated the rule of not visiting family. I visited what I thought was one of the more saner parts of my large extended family. They were in a nearby state to my hometown, so I rationalized that I was not breaking my vow. This first visit was glorious, beyond my wildest expectations.
Having some hope that I could salvage a part of my family, I planned a vacation to Europe with a few of them. The trip was wonderful, but the interaction with them was a complete disaster. I thought that this is what I get for violating the vow I had made years earlier.
Shortly before going overseas with them I had a simple but powerful vivid and luminous dream. It was an image of a train being violently forced to change tracks.
Dreams love using trains as a depiction of our life course and plans, i.e., you want to be on the “right track” in life. I believe it was a dream predicting that my life course was going to be dramatically changed. In one sense, I was trying to change it by my efforts; however, the derogation and humiliation of that trip would forever seal me off from what was left of my so called family.
I will once again commit to listening to my inner voice and not being seduced by trying to do what I think is good in the world. Some situations cannot be salvaged.
Dreams can help you listen to your inner voice at http://www.drstevenfox.com